Cartman's Final Intervention
by Shadowgate
Summary: Can Kyle and Bluecap get Cartman to stop hating them?
1. Chapter 1

Cartman's Final Intervention

By Shadowgate/RatherOddRanger

…...

Mister Mackey has brought the two classes together for a second intervention. He wants to see the anti-gay hatred kaput. Mister Bart's class and Mister Garrison's class have gathered in the gymnasium for what will be a final intervention.

The kids are not happy that this takes place during recess.

Mister Mackey gets on the microphone and says "attention everyone. I want you all to know that this assembly is meant to crush anti-gay bigotry. My job as a school counselor is to look after the emotional well being of the students here at South Park Elementary School."

Kenny and Craig are holding hands.

Cartman raises his hand and says "why do I have to miss recess because there's a queer Jew-Boy in my class?"

Kyle says "hey Cartman check this out."

Kyle grabs Bluecap and kisses him.

Bebe yelled "THAT'S HOT! FUCK RECESS I WANT TO SEE THE PASSION SHOW."

Mister Garrison said "oh great I have two gay kids Kenny and Craig in my class now I have a gay Jew."

Mister Mackey said "Mister Garrison that's not cool. Oh and you're gay as well."

Kyle said "Mister Garrison is a self hating faggot from the right-wing state of Arkansas."

Clyde stood up and said "hey Bluecap I'd love to kick your ass for making us miss recess."

Bluecap replied "it's not my fault. The anti-gay students led by Heidi are causing it."

Clyde said "give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick your ass for making me miss recess."

Bluecap took off his jacket and then his shirt.

Clyde backed off seeing the muscles on Bluecap. Kyle smiles with delight seeing his boyfriend

Clyde says "alright everyone we all have hormones. Date whomever you want and if you hate gays just stay away from them."

Mister Mackey said "thank you Clyde."

Cartman says "well Clyde I hate gays and when I want to picket them I just steal wood of the fences of the gays I picket."

Kyle asked "is that why Bluecap and I are missing wood from our fences?"

Cartman said "oops busted" and Bluecap punches Cartman in the face knocking him over. Cartman's nose is bleeding and he sees the whole gym spinning.

Kyle said "okay Bluecap that's enough. He's down."

Kyle said "let me try to talk to Cartman. Every so often he can be reasoned with."

Kyle leaned down and said "Cartman" but Cartman was dizzy and Kyle waited for him to come to. Mister Mackey said "I'll get the school nurse."

Kyle said "Cartman please come back to consciousness."

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

Cartman's Final Intervention

Chapter 2

By Shadowgate

…...

Kyle was trying to revive Cartman. Cartman shook his head and said "fat bitch, I love to be called fat bitch" then he stuck his tongue out and wiggled it.

Stan laughed "oh man Kyle your man just fucked up Cartman."

Bluecap replied "Goddamn right I did."

Kyle said "guys stay back I think I can get Cartman to stop doing this hate campaign. Cartman are have you come to yet?"

Cartman replied "I'm fully conscious now Kyle."

Kyle stated "you need to realize that the fact is I'm dating Bluecap and you can't stop me. In the past you've told people that we were a gay couple and have tried to get me to perform oral sex on you. What you're doing is something you're doing to rebel against me. I've always been your target."

Cartman said "you're right Kyle and it's clear I must stop ripping on you for having a boyfriend you faggot you."

Kyle helps Cartman up.

Bluecap says "well if you like to be called fat bitch I'll be happy to call you fat bitch."

Stan said "everything worked out, Cartman and Kyle are friends again."

Kyle said "well not really, I hate Cartman with all my heart."

All the children sing:

Thank God we live in this quiet, little, piss ant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one horse, mud-hole, pecker wood, right wing, whistle stop, truck drivin', old fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkept, out of date, out of touch, white trash, kick ass!  
Moooun-taaaain Toowwwwn!

Mister Garrison chimed in "okay recess time is just about over and you all got to sing your gay little song."

Mister Bart responded "do you kids learn anything from him?"

Stan answered "no we just fake it to shut him up."

Mister Garrison became furious at both Mister Bart and Stan.

Stan said "well Mister Garrison I'm shocked you're not more sympathetic to my best friend being gay."

Mister Garrison said "well Stan I worry about you kids getting hurt."

Cartman responded "the only way Kyle would get hurt is if he agreed to be your bitch because you're one sadistic faggot Mister Garrison. You tore up Mister Slave's ass."

All the kids started cheering.

Mister Garrison replied "what I used to do with that whore's ass is none of your business and all you brats get on back to class."

Heidi was pissed but she figured she'd just let Cartman go with Kyle.

Stan said "okay Cartman no more protesting Kyle."

Cartman said "gotcha!"

Mister Bart was heading back to his class when Mister Garrison said "I'll bet I can teach way better than you Mister Big-shit Bart."

Mister Bart just laughed.

THE END


End file.
